Last week I unearthed my wife’s Nintendo from a neglected pile of boxes untouched since we moved. I hooked it up only to be confronted with a blinking screen or garbled graphics. Since they haven’t seen any action in years, I decided it was time to clean our collection of NES games. Being a gamer of many years, handling the game cartridges invoked a deep sense of nostalgia. Back in the days of the cartridge consoles, you didn’t need to worry about disc scratches, what position the system is in, or any of the major malfunctions the modern toys are prone to. The process of cleaning a game cartridge is simple and the same whether you’re cleaning a game for the NES, the Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Nintendo 64, Game Boy…etc. Read my article on how to clean a game and relive those priceless gaming experiences. Let your Sega take you back to the days before prepubescent boys screamed racist and otherwise profoundly stupid things over the Internet.
Every time I clean my floors, I have this debate with myself over whether I prefer hardwood or carpet. Usually, the winner is whichever surface I’m not cleaning right at that moment, because each is unruly in its own special way. Hardwood has its dust bunnies and its drying time after mopping. Carpet would be easier to care for (Just vacuum!) if it weren’t for the layer of filth that gradually builds up in high-traffic areas. To get rid of it, you’re pretty much stuck begging, renting, or buying a carpet extractor, and then let’s talk about drying time. Also, what exactly is in the soap you have to put in those machines? I’m only curious because every time I clean my carpet, I end up dumping a ton of it down the drain, and for the next week I have a constant layer of it on the soles of my feet. I’ve always thought it would be reassuring to know that cleaning carpet wasn’t tantamount to pumping the environment and my body full of toxic chemicals. So imagine my joy when I learned how to clean carpet without mysterious detergents. The details are all in my latest article.
Mold and I have a history. When I was in third grade, I developed acute allergies to mold and dust. I would wake up with splotchy red eyes, and a nasal cavity brimming with gelatinous ooze. I looked like an extra in a low-budget horror film. Neither my parents nor I really learned how to clean up the mold problem; rather, we focused on how to deal with my allergic reactions. Years of allergy treatments later, I’ve purchased my own home, and because it is ancient and I live in lake country, I have finally been forced to learn how to clean mold. I found mold in the walls, in the bathroom, and in the basement of my new home - and it was all very painful. But through my pain there is much to be learned - for example, what chemicals are practical, safe, and environmentally sound for a mold cleanup job. You’ll learn what items can be cleaned and which ones must be disposed of. There is also a good deal about mold prevention in the article, so if you suspect your house is being digested by a slime, or your nose won’t stop blathering on about the wall’s fancy new fur coat, you owe it to both of them to give my new article on how to clean mold a read.
When was a kid, I used to want to be a window washer - the kind that rappels like a ninja down sky scrapers. I loved washing our car windows with a squeegee while my father put on gas. There is power in a squeegee; as you glide it across a soapy glass surface, you feel slightly like a sorcerer… “I command you, be free and shiny.” Perhaps that’s just me. Anyhow, my dreams were dashed when I realized that (A) I had a desperate fear of heights and (B) window washers sometimes fall to their deaths. Though my career took another path, I still know how to use a squeegee better than most ninjas handle a bow staff. Read my latest article to learn how to clean glass using green household ingredients to clean windows, mirrors, and picture frames.
When I’m not busy writing how-to articles, I work for a large chain of retail stores that recently replaced its DOS-based cash register system. The new registers have LCD touch-screens, and every time I start a shift at the register, I have to fight my gag reflex, which gets all excited by the greasy fingerprints (and fingersmears and fingersmudges and sometimes fingerchunks) the last person left all over the screen that I’m expected to touch. Our managers have instructed us to clean the screens with window cleaner and paper towels, so I do (I didn’t pay for the registers, after all), but deep down in my heart I know it’s wrong. LCD screens are not glass, and they require different cleaning methods than glass. Fortunately, except for the need to perform a tiny bit of simple chemistry, cleaning an LCD monitor is just as easy as cleaning a glass-screened CRT monitor. My latest article goes over all the steps. Maybe someday, if I’m feeling charitable toward the Man, I’ll forward the link to my employer so they’ll know how to clean an LCD monitor without gradually destroying it.
Cleaning windows isn’t a fun job; in fact, I really loath doing it and usually wait longer than the recommended six months between washings. When faced with the task, I try to give myself a mental boost by comparing it to extremely unsavory occupations. “Better to clean windows than wrangle sperm from a turkey,” I’ll say as I collect my gear. When I’m finished, I always marvel at the improved atmosphere, and wonder what took me so long. I’m lazy…that is the answer, but I’ve found that other people avoid cleaning windows for other reasons. One often-heard complaint is the sheer number of options out there; with aisles of cleaning solutions and a plethora of cleaning tools, people forget that they ever knew how to clean windows at all. In my latest article, I re-simplify this formerly simple task, outlining both how to make a green yet effective cleaning solution from household ingredients, as well as what tools are essential for the job.
Eric and I recently splurged on a brand new 32-inch LCD TV after a year of making do with a twenty-year-old hand-me-down 13-inch set with fake wood paneling on the sides. We were, as you can probably imagine, excited. So we got it home, carefully attached it to the stand, transferred it to the top of a bookcase, stood back, and saw…fingerprints. A week later, it was coated with a fine layer of dust and cat hair. It was, without a doubt, time for me to learn how to clean an LCD TV. Safely, you know, so as not to ruin this thing we spent several hundred dollars on. Turns out, cleaning an LCD TV is not as difficult or expensive as you might expect. All the details are in my new article.
I never knew the simple pleasure of wood floors growing up; however, I did become well acquainted with the displeasure of carpeting. Getting an occasional third-degree burn, seeing my dad’s wrathful vein surface across his temple as he eyed an awful stain, trying to extricate a sloppy pile of Golden Retriever feces from a carpet that was initially in no way brown - these are my fond memories of the stuff. The first thing I did when I moved was to expose the beautiful maple which once graced the home. After a few months of heavy traffic and sock-sliding competitions, I realized I didn’t know how to clean hardwood floors. To my surprise, it wasn’t at all difficult. I figured it would be a complex operation - that there wood be a tortuous yin to my floor’s charming yang. Sure, you may have to refinish now and then, but the normal upkeep of hardwood floors is an easy task. Read my latest article to learn how to clean hardwood floors quickly and safely.
Many people who would like to get an aquarium avoid getting one because they don’t know how easy it truly is to clean a fish tank. I’ve talked to many folks who remember having fish as children and loved it. Then they remember all the work their parents did to keep those tanks clean and they start to think twice. Not only were their parents probably doing WAY too much work, they also didn’t have the high caliber equipment and filters that are available to us today. Established aquariums are almost entirely self-sustaining. Even if you already have one or are thinking of getting a large tank, you probably won’t spend more than an hour a month on aquarium cleaning. So before you give up on your aquarium or decide to forego getting one altogether, check out my article on How to Clean a Fish Tank.
